First of all, wordpress’s new live preview thing doesn’t work in internet explorer.
Second of all, I was flying back from vacation in Los Angeles today, and I thought to myself – “Wow, I must really love my job, because other than that, there’s nothing I’m going back to that I like as much as what I’m about to leave.” I thought about it for a while, and decided that yes, I really do love my job that much. It’s the most important thing in my life at the moment, and accordingly the thing that gives my life the most meaning. Still, I couldn’t shake the bittersweet feeling in the pit of my stomache as I wistfully boarded the plane back to the land of gloomy skies and perpetual rain. All the places I love are in LA. All the food I love is in LA. Most of the people I love are in LA. Of course, there are things that I like about Washington – they’re just not as good. The food isn’t as good, the weather isn’t as nice, and the people are… different. Maybe it’s that my friends are all younger than me and are just more immature and superficial at that age. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not really an outdoors person in a state where it seems like that’s all people do. Maybe it’s the fact that there aren’t as many asian people here. Whatever it is, I just know that I’m not as happy socially here as I was in college, and realizing that makes me sad.
A part of me also thinks that this is just something that would have inevitably happened to me, no matter where I was. Friends would move away, people would get married, and all the things that used to make me happy would slowly and silently disappear. Maybe my problem is that I just haven’t transitioned to the next stage in my life yet. But I know what that stage is, and I’m beginning to realize that I’m bad at it. There’s going to be a point sometime in the future where the panacea of happiness that I get from working won’t be enough to cover my unhapiness in other areas of my life. And I’m really dreading that day, because I don’t know what I’ll do with myself then. I know that there are certain mentatilities that I have that need to change for things to get better – this post isn’t about that. This post is about realizing that college was the best time of my life, and lamenting that it’s gone and never coming back, and despising myself for never even realizing or properly appreciated it. But I guess that’s how things always work – you never realize until after the fact. It’s just so sad that it has to work that way.
I did get inspired to do some things while I was in LA, including: getting a shelf for all my piano books, UCLA photography project, mounting my TV in the kitchen, getting a tea set, getting a cast iron skillet, working out more, eating better, practicing piano, and starting to read again
